You are currently browsing the category archive for the ‘Humorous’ category.

That must sound silly, although some of you who owe their awesomeness to a lost love will probably agree. Here are my reasons why heartbreaks are good for you.

  • You used to waste so much time talking about nothing…after the breakup, you have so much time that you could write a book, compose that song, go out with those friends, attend the reunion…there’s so much you didn’t have time for while you were in a relationship. Go do that stuff…be yourself once again!
  • You were always wondering what the other person is doing, sending them textual love to remind them you are thinking of them and all the shit that lovers do. Now, no one expects you to say ‘baby, I am missing you’ etc 10 times in a day! Isn’t that a wonderful feeling – no expectations! You have your freedom back!
  • You used to drive listening to romantic numbers and driving followed the pace of the song…you would think about your beloved with every single word of the lyrics. Now, the music follows your pace while you drive at least 15mph higher than you used to. The drive is awesome and you are saving time! Here, I would really say the drive is perhaps even orgasmic ūüėČ
  • You had to come up with new and unique ways to say I love you because you didn’t want to sound cheesy or boring. That was so exhausting! Now there is no overwhelming sense of panic when you don’t have anything new to say…who cares? So chat away with friends, colleagues and use the old boring words!
  • Then, there were the nicknames! OMG those stupid ways you called each-other ‘jaana’, honey, baby…etc which by the way are basically the same thing meaning sweetheart. You wondered if you were sounding as pathetic as the lovers that you heard a few days back, calling each other the lovey dovey names. Yes, you did! It was ridiculous and it’s pretty abnormal! Finally, you can be normal again.
  • You could not let your phone out of your sight, even when you went to the bathroom (rolling eyes so hard).¬† And you had to keep it charged all the time! Finally, you are not tied to your phone 24X7…you can cut the chord…be free!
  • Heartbreak/breakups are really wonderful for your health too. Once that person is out of your life with whom you were so smitten that you has stopped exercising, you can start refocusing on yourself. Start hitting the gym again, start making healthier food choices. Be healthy and your hotter self again!

So you see, my friend, heartbreak is not as bad as it seems at first. You can always turn around your emotions and use it for becoming fabulous and investing some of that love into yourself too. After all, if you don’t love yourself, then who else will?

Advertisements

As a mother, especially if you have young children, you feel overwhelmed most of the time. Most of the days, you love motherhood because you experience little miracles you wouldn’t otherwise. But some days, you just want some moments of peace, sitting silently, doing nothing. After a while, such contradictions become a part of you. As a mother, I have seen so many contradictions in my¬†behavior that I am not even conscious of them anymore. Some of them are:

1. I am enjoying my moments of peace while the children sleep or play outside, and within 5 minutes I have the urge to wake them or check on them. I have to force myself to be where I am and relish the moment, yet my mind wanders to them every 5 minutes.

2. I keep asking kids to be quiet for sometime so that I can focus on what I am doing. When they do, I feel there is something wrong and I call them to ask what happened to make them so quiet.

3. I convince myself that they are grown up enough to take a bath themselves after a visit to hospital or park, yet I go on check on them while they are bathing to make sure they are ‘scrubbing out the germs’ properly.

4. When they ask my permission to pee, I tease them saying wouldn’t they go if I said no and then, add that they are free to pee anytime they want. But when I see them approaching the toilet without saying anything, I ask them “what are you doing?”¬† or “where are you going?” Of course, I immediately bite my tongue after,¬†but it starts the permission seeking circle once again.

5. While they eat, I ask them if they want more. Mostly, they say it’s enough. Sometimes, when they do say they want another chapati, I usually say “Haven’t you had enough? Aren’t you full already? I don’t want you to complain of tummy pain afterwards.”

6. Sometimes, I tell my kids why do they keep¬†asking/saying – mama, this; mama; that and why can’t they trouble their dad for a change. But when they do, guess what…I have to know why they didn’t ask me!

7. If something falls on the floor and I feel the house isn’t dirty and¬†I am too lazy to go wash the thing again, I pick it up, rub the supposed dust off of it and eat it. When my son observes me doing this and does the same next time, I tell him “Do you think the thing is not dirty anymore? I think you should wash it!”

With all this happening around them, I think it’s just a matter of time before my kids turn to me one day and say “But you only said/did…” And I¬†can imagine myself responding as¬†“What are you talking about!”

TV is such a wonderful invention of the modern world…it can be easily counted as one of the best gifts of technology to the humankind. Can you imagine your life without television? Here is what a typical day would look like – lots of walking, playing, reading, less junk food (due to lack of relaxing time), sleeping in time etc. Do you want a healthy life like that?

The Y generation is supposed¬†to be thriving on information, and that’s what TV provides in abundance. How would I know about supernatural things like vampires, jinns, angels, men/women with superpowers, hulk etc without the chatter box that sits in your living room? How would I¬†find out about¬†the conspiracies¬†mothers-in-law¬†plot against their innocent daughters-in-law (or the other way round)? How would I have any idea about the scandals in the lives of the celebrities, through sting operations? And very importantly, how would I ever know that the necessity of stinging the sting operations themselves¬†because so many of them¬†are actually¬†fake?

TV is not only a good entertainer, but also keeps you update with the current affairs. Newspapers, however, give you only facts. For example, there is one news item (always a ‘breaking news’), then there is discussion on that news, then there are opinions shared by people from various walks of the society, then there are arguments, and finally everyone agrees to disagree. I would have so much free time if not for TV…don’t you realize I have so much time in my life and absolutely no idea about how to spend it? I would probably have to take a walk or read a book instead!¬†You know, how boring it would to read a book and visualize everything from your own imagination!

Then, think about the sports matches. How would I get a chance to analyze every single ball bowled in cricket matches and that too by various experts having entirely different opinions? You know, it takes a lot of creativity to come with an interesting name for a match series. Imagine not knowing about M.S. Dhoni’s¬†‘badla’! What a waste of life! TV enhances your creativity and imagination in another way. Now, I can guess the exact ending of any episode of any long-running show, if I watch it for only 2-3 hours. Isn’t that nice? TV brings out the writer in me…and all the times, my guess is right! I have started to think ahead…so isn’t that helping me in my imagination and creativity? Now, I have serious doubts about researches that claim that TV puts you in a state of trance and curbs your creativity! I guess they are lying to us…may be the book industry, the health industry are conspiring against the common man to snatch away his only means of being sane – TV.

And, there is another advantage of television, and this one’s specific to cartoons for young children. How would my 6 year old and 4 year old know that a pregnant woman’s tummy is bloated because she is carrying a child inside her? How would they ever get any information about the differences in kissing your spouse and a friend? So that means I can skip the ‘birds and bees’ discussion with them when they grow up…oh, I was so scared of that day! And then, why would they ask for another baby bro/sis if their favorite cartoon character didn’t have one recently…yeah, I need them to tell me all the time that I should think of having another child!

So I urge the younger generation to continue what they are doing…watch a lots of TV…don’t worry about going out to play or reading good books…the latter will do you no good. It’s the knowledge gained from TV that will help you in your life…

Warning: The following is entirely a work of experience…of a budding writer. Any resemblance to any Indie writer is purely intentional.

Having said that, I am going to tell you a story. Some of you may identify with it; others might know someone who relates to it.

There is a new breed we have been hearing¬†about a lot these days‚Ķnope, not vampires (though they are all over, everywhere!). This new breed I am talking about,¬†like to call themselves ‚Äėthe Indie authors‚Äô. By definition, someone who is independently published, but in reality, someone who is crazy enough to believe in their love of writing that they are ready to put themselves out there‚Ķalone and vulnerable in front of¬†the world of shark-critics!

Trust me I have experienced this…self-publishing is not an act of courage or belief in oneself‚Ķit is rather – a writer’s nightmare!

I actually have a few questions for this new species, and I speak on behalf of the omnipotent, forever-judging and Godly readers.

How dare these newly born authors think that as soon as they publish their book on the internet, people would start appreciating them and recognizing them? Do they really believe that they would become a household name in the world of writing, without any advertising campaign or over-the-top marketing strategies for book promotion? Are they descendants of Shakespeare to claim for fame through writing?

I would say these so-called Indie authors are actually fooling themselves. Aren’t they aware that a reader is not looking for a good book…they are looking for the best marketing campaign out there. They want to be flabbergasted by the promises made by a fresh book of a new writer. Do these writers even realize that when readers are searching for their next read, they might be visualizing how the book will look when they hold it in their hands to pretend to read on the way to college/work etc?

How naive it is to believe all those success stories of the self-published authors, when all of us already know at least one person who is still trying to make a mark even after publishing more than only one book, several years back? How gullible of them to actually trust the biggest lies of the publishing world – that a story which can touch a few hearts will go a long way?

And the most foolish thing of all to believe that social media (for instance, FB) was a tool in marketing of a book! Why would anyone want to share any links pertaining to release of a new writer‚Äôs book, when they are being asked to pay for the book? You are a budding writer…hell, you have an absolute need¬†to let people read your book…so why not give it free? And to think about it, why would anyone spend 99 cents on something that has been produced¬†by someone they know? Wouldn’t it be better to spend that money on some work which belongs to a stranger? That way, the book is just an object, which can be easily dismissed as bad!

Here are a few facts that these Indie authors seem to ignore:

Fact 1 ‚Äď You are not a writer…yet. Just authoring about a dozen articles in a local magazine, writing and self-publishing your book, or spending months of efforts into your writing, doesn’t mean becoming a writer! A writer is someone who is famous, or rich, actually both.

Fact 2 – A writer has a huge readership, backed by the marketing campaigns, the controversial topics, semi-autobiographies (first insinuating at this and later denying it) and a story of success after long struggle. If you have none of these important, in fact, absolute essentials, of a successful book, then you cannot be a success. If you have a decent¬†job, a loving family, and contentment by God’s grace and above all, no desire¬†to write about politics, sex, religion or any scandals or controversies, you are doomed as a writer. Hence, automatically, you have lost the race before it even began. Who wants to read about simple stories‚Ķ without any spice in them, not fuelled by scandals & controversies?

Fact 3 РBudding writers have absolutely no right to demand money for their work! So what if they price it as low as 99 cents?  Do they really think that pricing the book at such low prices will make it sell in huge numbers thus helping them find a publisher! Does that really happen in real life? Ahem, NO.

Fact 4 ‚Äď This one is especially for Indie writers from India, whose potential readers are Indians. Any Indian should be¬†aware of the fact that we Indians, as a race, love free things. After all, the best things in life are free! So, an Indian Indie writer should distribute at least the first dozen of their books for free…then only they should think about selling them. So what it took you years to write those stories; so what you spent hours in thinking about the plot; so what if it is an achievement for you to finally finish and publish your book? Why should we readers care about the efforts that went into writing? Why do these writers expect their readers to know anything about writing? Readers just read the stuff for free and then, criticize it for free! Yes, your friends might have encouraged you with their appreciations (of course they must have been reading them for free!) that doesn‚Äôt mean you are good. Is being a writer even a real job? It’s so easy to put down few thousand words together to make some sense. Isn‚Äôt it? And no one deserves to make easy money!

Fact 5 – It is so inconvenient to appreciate someone for something they did and it is even more troubling to support them, especially when there might be a possibility of them making some money out of it.

As a reader, I have an advice for these ‚ÄúIndie writers‚Ä̂Ķget a life! You are not J.K. Rowling‚Ķaccept and move on. And if you are not able to sell your first book, do not waste your time in writing another one! Always remember ‚Äď your first attempt at writing was not successful!

My Books

Read the review Love No More (Love, It Is!)

Read the review Love, It Is!

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 433 other followers