As a mother, especially if you have young children, you feel overwhelmed most of the time. Most of the days, you love motherhood because you experience little miracles you wouldn’t otherwise. But some days, you just want some moments of peace, sitting silently, doing nothing. After a while, such contradictions become a part of you. As a mother, I have seen so many contradictions in my behavior that I am not even conscious of them anymore. Some of them are:

1. I am enjoying my moments of peace while the children sleep or play outside, and within 5 minutes I have the urge to wake them or check on them. I have to force myself to be where I am and relish the moment, yet my mind wanders to them every 5 minutes.

2. I keep asking kids to be quiet for sometime so that I can focus on what I am doing. When they do, I feel there is something wrong and I call them to ask what happened to make them so quiet.

3. I convince myself that they are grown up enough to take a bath themselves after a visit to hospital or park, yet I go on check on them while they are bathing to make sure they are ‘scrubbing out the germs’ properly.

4. When they ask my permission to pee, I tease them saying wouldn’t they go if I said no and then, add that they are free to pee anytime they want. But when I see them approaching the toilet without saying anything, I ask them “what are you doing?”  or “where are you going?” Of course, I immediately bite my tongue after, but it starts the permission seeking circle once again.

5. While they eat, I ask them if they want more. Mostly, they say it’s enough. Sometimes, when they do say they want another chapati, I usually say “Haven’t you had enough? Aren’t you full already? I don’t want you to complain of tummy pain afterwards.”

6. Sometimes, I tell my kids why do they keep asking/saying – mama, this; mama; that and why can’t they trouble their dad for a change. But when they do, guess what…I have to know why they didn’t ask me!

7. If something falls on the floor and I feel the house isn’t dirty and I am too lazy to go wash the thing again, I pick it up, rub the supposed dust off of it and eat it. When my son observes me doing this and does the same next time, I tell him “Do you think the thing is not dirty anymore? I think you should wash it!”

With all this happening around them, I think it’s just a matter of time before my kids turn to me one day and say “But you only said/did…” And I can imagine myself responding as “What are you talking about!”

Advertisements