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There are many things that I feel strongly about, one of them being humble. Assuming that every person who is successful in any terms has become so through a lot of hard work and struggle, I think all successful people are bound to be humble. If you have achieved something that you dreamed of and worked for, aren’t you supposed to know how much effort it took to do what you did? Then, how can you just dismiss someone without knowing their struggles, their pains, their efforts? But I think the rule ‘success teaches humility’ does not apply to the following people:

  • People who think they are pretty big success in their field, though they might have just been able to produce only one thing or maybe not even that much. These individuals somehow have started to think that others cannot be a bigger success than them.  They wear rosy glasses, are flattered by their small circle to be ‘the best’, and wrongly assume that no one else can achieve what they have. These people need to look around them and accept that no matter where you are according to you, there is someone who is a bigger success in your field.
  • Then there are the insecure ones. Now, if you are a bloody good writer as you think yourself as, why are you worried if I start making a mark? If you trust your capabilities, I should not seem a threat to you, since there is enough for everyone in the world. Especially in case of writers, there are millions of readers for every genre, and a reader explores various authors and does not have to necessarily stick to only one author. So why are you scared of a budding writer like me? Perhaps you know you don’t deserve what you have achieved!
  • The assholes. There is no explanation. These people are just arrogant without any reason.

I am reminded of this woman who thinks of herself as a big shot in the writing world. Several years back, she was in an organization which is like a child organization of the one my hubby works for. So he met her in one of the meetings and happened to mention that I was a budding writer, trying my hand at different things. She suggested I should get in touch with her sometime. Now, I don’t know if she said that just for the sake of saying or did she forget the incidence. Anyway, I did contact her, many months later. She had quit from that particular organization and I knew about it. So I wrote to her saying that I would like to be in touch and learn from her since I knew she used to work in such and such organization etc. (The keyword here is ‘used to work’). Anyway, so she replied back asking me to join a group. And I understood her disinterest in meeting me. And I didn’t think much of it, until I saw what she posted on her blog. She had apparently gloated to everyone that this one lady was asking her out for coffee since she thought she was employed with a publishing house. And then, she went on to say how some people might not even know how to take a pen to a paper and dream about becoming writers, how some people just run after someone in a ‘position of authority’, how some people have no talent and yet force themselves on to the established writers. She did not stop at that but mentioned she was going to talk about it in one of the group meetings! Also she mentioned that everyone should read her book on how to publish. Ha! So that was the point! She was basically pushing her work onto a reader’s face talking all crap about me! What a wonderful writer she must be, that she has to resort to such cheap tactics! And what a wonderful person! And does she even know my work? Had she ever read what I wrote? FYI, the same magazine that publishes her articles also publishes mine 🙂

Anyway, why I am writing about this now? Well, this lady is now repeatedly sending my hubby invites to connect to him on LinkedIn. Why, may I ask her? Just because he works in an esteemed organization in this country and could be useful for her someday? I wonder if she misunderstood my message to her by such a great degree, and was way out of line to characterize me, what could be her intentions? People usually see in other people what they have in them…so…

P.S. This is one of those things I had to vent out, humane as I am.

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Do you know the sound of drifting dreams…
Have you felt the pain of shattering heart?
Do you know how lonely it feels…
When you lose the only hope you had?
When that faith is snatched away by fate…
And all you do is watch it leave!
Have you wondered how you are stuck in the moment…
While life rushes by around you?
Do you hear the footsteps marching away…
And you can’t call them back?
Have you felt like a fool by being good…
While they had a great laugh at your candor?
Have you felt the absence of God…
When you thought at least He would stay?

I am at that lonely place now
I seek help but no one responds
I want to share how I feel
But no one wants to listen
So I go around pretending to be happy
I smile while I am crying within
I want someone to hug me and say it’s alright
But all I have is a cold endless night.

(This post is a reproduction of one of my articles in ‘The Woman’)

Chatting casually over emails with an old friend, I realized that women tend to get overly frustrated, at some or the other point in their lives. It does not make any difference if you are single or married; working or student; stay-at-home or working mom; living in nuclear or joint family; that feeling of crankiness creeps in some way or the other. Many a times, we blame it on our difficult circumstances – tough job, unsupportive spouse, young kids, meddlesome in-laws, or some other life situation. But, I think that one reason that causes the other situations seem out of proportion is that we do not take as much care of ourselves as we should. I am not referring to getting a massage or facials or haircut etc. Though these things might cheer you momentarily, what really makes a huge difference to your outlook is your healthy state of mind, i.e. when you feel loved, cared for and respected.

We women are so busy living up to our various roles – daughter, sister, wife, or mother, that we forget out own self. We tend to go out of the way to make everyone in our lives feel emotionally content. But, how many times in a day do we actually make an effort to fill up our ‘emotional tank’? I am not suggesting that we should forsake everything in life and just concentrate on self-happiness. All women know, within their heart, that their true happiness lies in that of the ones they love. I am not asking women to be selfish. But in order to be selfless to the extent we are or want to be, we should be caring towards ourselves as well. If one is not happy from within, one cannot be at peace with one’s life. Hence, frustrations ooze out in various ways – irritation at small things, anger at kids or husband, or general feeling of dissatisfaction.

I can be more giving only when I have immense love inside me. I can be more caring only when I feel cared for. I can perform my duties as a mother, wife or daughter to my best ability only when I recognize and fulfill my needs as an individual. How do I do that? For the start, I can pamper myself with finding some time just for myself. Even if it is just fifteen minutes a day, I can take my mind away from everyone else and think about myself. I start enjoying being just me, for a few moments. In this ‘me-time’, I can start doing something that I really enjoy, something that makes me genuinely happy, something that is done for the sole purpose of bringing joy to me. It can be reading, writing, yoga, dancing, painting, singing, embroidery, anything at all. It is important to make this something as a part of my routine. I don’t put this activity off for some other day, but I do it today. I enjoy it now. This way, I give my mind what it yearns for – peace and contentment. These few minutes of peace make an immense difference to the whole day. If I make it a habit of spending some time just by myself and start enjoying it, I become more efficient in other roles I perform.

If you have a supportive family, you can go one step further. You can spend a couple of hours with your friends, may be once a month. Have you observed how men feel more cheerful and energized after a game of football or badminton with their friends? Women can start with similar kind of activities with their friends. If you can leave the kids at home and can go out for a “girls’ evening out” and do whatever you feel like – watching movie, playing tennis, going to an exhibition etc., it would give you a kick for many days. It is just a matter of spending some quality time for yourself that would make a magnificent difference to your whole attitude. So, why not grab a pen and make a to-do list for yourself as you do for other household work?

My Books

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